definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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