the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
