I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He better not be in your backpack
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
