So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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