It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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