i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
