**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize