I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize