just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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