Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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