trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
