I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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