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• (248): View more from Michigan

  If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....

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• (214): View more from Texas

  bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.

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• (716): View more from New York

  So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  That was me Mom...

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