just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
