I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
