my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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