i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well you can't waste a boner
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
