Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A bitchslap is in order.
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