we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
