We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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