Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
