The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
