I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize