So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize