I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
