You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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