he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have feelings that need drinking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
