just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
