we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
