Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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