Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
