your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
