why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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