I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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