Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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