Sry I called you an 8
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize