OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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