One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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