Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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