She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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