I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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