I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
