I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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