Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
