we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
