For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
