I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
