The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
