if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Heβs 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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