I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize