I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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