I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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