you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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