im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
