it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
