I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My pussy is not your playground.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
