I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm like, not good at living.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
