It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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